Children need love, shelter, structure, food, and more. Moms, however, need only coffee and wine.
This has annoyed me almost since I first had kids. It bugs me in two directions. On one hand, it is the Mommy Martyrdom Myth. Our lives are just so, so hard. On the other hand, it feels like mom’s life is just one self-indulgent party complete with time-of-day appropriate refreshments. My mom’s experience only fits neatly into either of those camps.
I remember the thrill of drinking both coffee and alcohol as a young person. They both represented novel, cool experiences. How does it still feel this way? You know there is no global shortage of coffee beans or ethanol.
Sure, when the kids were younger, it did get monotonous to make lunch 10,000 days in a row (that’s what it felt like anyway). And, I guess cutting and pasting those box tops (I am aging myself here) went quicker with a spirit or two. But was it the coffee or the wine that helped?
Maybe it is the early isolation of being a mom that drives us to these two identities – not only for the substances themselves but for the feeling of community around them. When we talk about “mommy juice,” we feel included in a large group of people like us, trudging through the challenges and celebrating the wins.
I was once on a class mom group chat that consisted almost entirely of shared memes about wine and coffee. Maybe that was just a way to reach out, “We are in this together. And I currently need some support.” Perhaps just getting a few hearts on the meme we sent out 30 seconds ago was all we needed.
I get it now – it’s not coffee and wine. It’s friendship, connection, empathy, and shared experiences. We still need these things.
Still, if you don’t belong to the coffee/wine tribe, I see you. You belong. We are in this together. Let’s raise a green juice together – because that’s not annoying.
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