There’s no sugarcoating it: divorce can be a difficult and emotionally challenging experience, especially for those going through it in their mid-life. Many women likely imagined that they were settled in their lives and relationships, only to find themselves starting over again.
One of the most difficult aspects of divorce in mid-life is the sense of loneliness that can come with it. When a marriage ends, it can feel like the end of an era and the loss of a significant part of one’s life. This can be when people feel isolated and disconnected from others, and it can be hard to know how to reach out and make new connections.
Anyone going through a divorce must remember that there is life after divorce. Once the process is over and you are ready, it is important to get back out there and regain a sense of purpose and self. And the best way to do this? By making new friendships.
Building new friendships can seem daunting, especially because people often are set in their own groups and support systems and don’t have the capacity or interest to meet others. While some women can connect with children, others are not. Some women have been so occupied with their spouses, children, or careers before the separation that they unintentionally neglect friendships.
But that doesn’t need to be the case forever.
Beverly Price, Certified Divorce and Empowerment coach believes the first step is rebuilding low self-esteem and realizing you are worthy of friendships. Divorce can take a toll on one’s self-worth, and it is important to remember that you are worthy of love and to surround yourself with positive and supportive people.
“Make a list of what you want in a friend and use it to find those women. Also realize that it is going to take time and effort to cultivate relationships. Don’t give up. The bottom line is you have to reach out. Extroverts have it easier than introverts, but it can be done. It is a vital component to recovery from divorce,” she explains.
If only it were easy to look for friends off a checklist the same way one looks for a new skirt on Amazon. Price recommends zeroing in on warm, confidential, and safe locations for women to give and receive support.
“Some women use church as that vehicle; others use work. Some find a network through mothers’ morning out, and some find it through various clubs, such as running, cooking, or book clubs. Facebook support groups like this Women’s Divorce Recovery and Empowerment Group is a great way to create a community.”
Since divorces can be costly in terms of legal fees and the cost of living on one’s own, it doesn’t mean that finding friends must be an expensive endeavor.
Going on friend dates can be as simple or affordable as getting together for coffee, a walk, or a meal. Or, if you do have the financial means, even joining group trips for those who love to travel or partake in adventures is an option. The key, however, is to start by taking small steps and being open to new connections.
That’s not all. Technology plays a factor in bridging the gap for some looking for new friends. Apps like Meetup, Bumble BFF, and even LinkedIn can be great ways to connect with people who share similar hobbies and find support. However, like anything else on the Internet, be careful of scammers or impersonators and only meet people in public until you are comfortable.
Some people want to maintain a friendship with their ex after a divorce. Others even want to continue their friendships with mutual friends or co-workers.
However, this approach is only for some and not necessarily easy. On the one hand, feeling a sense of normalcy may be helpful by still spending time with mutual friends while you build your network. On the other hand, it may be awkward or uncomfortable if the ex shows up at the gatherings or if conversations revolve around the divorce.
“I imagine there are people that may be able to do this if the divorce was amicable and they got along, but for the most part I don’t know of many people who have been able to do this. Some of it depends on the relationship with the ex, the emotional toll of the relationship, the relationship between the friends before, but as if it’s not going to be healthy don’t do it. Surround yourself with healthy, positive people only,” she adds.
Despite the difficulties associated with a divorce, there is always a second chapter and a new beginning. No one said it would be easy, but with time and patience, you will find yourself in a much better place.
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