Menopause negatively affects many aspects of a woman’s life, including her career. Sadly, instead of helping their menopausal employees, the average employer overlooks their needs.
If you are an ambitious midlife woman, fret not. According to psychologist and Executive Coach Dr. Robyn McKay, EQ is your superpower. In a quick interview with TheMidlife, Dr. Robyn shares her expert insights.
What is the meaning of the term EQ (Emotional Quotient)?
Emotional Quotient (EQ) is commonly known as Emotional Intelligence. It consists of several capabilities including:
– self-awareness (awareness and understanding of your own emotions and how your emotions can affect others)
– emotional self-regulation ( mindfully responding rather than reacting to emotionally charged/stressful situations)
– the ability to read, understand, and in some cases, manage other people’s emotions, especially to motivate and encourage top performance
– the ability to empathize, connect, and collaborate with others, which brings about a sense of inclusion and belonging.
Once considered a soft skill, it’s my observation that emotional intelligence is quickly becoming a sought-after leadership capability in high-performance fields like tech, fintech, and healthcare.
How can midlife women develop their EQ to get ahead at work?
There are several ways to do so. Here are some of them.
1. Decide to stop apologizing for or hiding your emotional intelligence
Women are naturally more emotionally intelligent than men. However, far too many high-EQ women are too well-adjusted for their good. That is, they undervalue their gift of emotional intelligence under the assumption that it’s easy for everyone to read, understand, and regulate emotions. It’s not. If you’ve got the gift of emotional intelligence, consider it one of your greatest contributions at work.
2. Enforce strong boundaries by discerning your emotions from others’ emotions
There are mirror neurons in the brain that mirror other people’s emotions. As it turns out, high-EQ women don’t always realize that they can feel other people’s emotions. So unless you’re savvy about reading emotions, you can mistake someone else’s stress, anxiety, or even anger for your own. If you’ve ever walked into a room full of people and felt anxious for no good reason, you might be picking up on someone else’s anxiety. Learning how to discern your own emotions from other people’s emotions is a growth edge for women, who otherwise become an “emotional dumping ground” for other people’s emotions.
Once you learn how to discern your emotions from other people’s emotions, your boundaries become stronger. Your body isn’t designed to process other people’s emotions, so you can learn how to shake it off and let it go. To develop your emotional intelligence, practice observing other people’s emotions without absorbing them.
3. Practice naming and nurturing your own emotions
One of the most powerful things you can learn is to say what you’re feeling and then express what you need to feel better. There’s a neurological explanation for this. When you speak out loud what you’re feeling (e.g., “I feel anxious.” Or “I feel frustrated.”), the region of the brain that’s associated with feelings of anxiety or frustration starts to deactivate and the brain’s language centers begin to come online, giving you more access to your executive functioning and your rational decision-making.
4. Practice mindful awareness of your emotions
Learn to observe your emotions without judgment and with open-hearted curiosity. Allow yourself to experience your emotions without labeling or judging yourself. Welcome your emotions like they are guests because each of your emotions is an invitation to learn something new about yourself or to deepen your awareness of your own goals, dreams, and desires.
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