An Attorney Helps You to Prepare for a Divorce

Divorce is a complex and difficult process that can be extremely emotional and stressful for all parties involved. It is a time when people must come to terms with the end of their marriage, make tough decisions about their future, and navigate a confusing and intimidating legal system. It is no wonder that the mere thought of divorce can be a scary experience, but you are not alone!

There are many legal aspects involved in a divorce, which can make it even more daunting such as property division, spousal support and child custody or visitation.  The process can be further complicated by the fact that the law can vary greatly from state to state, and that each case is unique, making it difficult to know what to expect.

One thing’s for sure– to help ease the stress of divorce, it is important to retain a good family attorney who can offer guidance, advice and help you navigate the legal system.

Jessica L. Toelstedt, Partner and Co-Chair of the Mediation and Collaborative Law Practice has been practicing matrimonial law for the past seventeen years. As someone who has personally witnessed the divorce of her own parents’, she has some competent tips and guidance for those who might be going through a divorce in their midlife.

1. Money and Finances Require Clear Conversations 

Finances can be a stressful topic to think about, and thinking about what you will need to support yourself after divorce is integral for preparation. Toelstedt recommends having a case strategy plan about how much you will pay or receive in support, how many of the assets you will receive, and whether you can reside at the  marital residence. Sometimes these questions require exchanging financial information between the two parties and can take time to work out. An attorney can serve as the intermediary in resolving any financial disputes.

2. Many Divorces End up in Settlement

Toelstedt advises her clients to live in the “now” as best as they can and reminds them that their case is likely to result in a settlement, as opposed to a trial. A settlement will include terms that both parties have negotiated and that they feel will serve them best. An attorney will ensure that the agreement is always drafted in their client’s best interest and they are content with the terms before agreeing.

3. Keep The Inner Details of your Divorce Personal

Each divorce case is different, and basing the outcome of the case on what happened to their friends or relatives is not realistic. “There are many considerations at play in a negotiation and eventual settlement. When my clients speak to their friends and relatives and come back to me with examples of what happened in those cases as a basis for what should happen in their own case, I remind them that what they know is only the tip of the iceberg. My best advice is to rely on family and friends for emotional support but leave the legal issues to the attorneys,” she adds.

4. Remember the Endgame

There are many emotions that are a part of a divorce, so it is integral to keep your eyes on the endgame and not feel the need to win on every point to attain the “best” result. Figure out what matters- sometimes a cost/benefit analysis is helpful to reach a fair settlement. 

5. Co-parenting Children Requires Patience

Adding children to the mix of a divorce can get messier. Even when young children are involved, keep in mind that while you may be divorcing, you will continue coparenting with your spouse for the rest of your life. “Being a co-parent is easier than being a “single” parent. Having someone you can rely on if you get stuck at work, or are sick or need to switch weekends, is a benefit. Being able to work together, rather than being constantly at odds, will make your own life easier and even more importantly, will make your kids’ lives easier,” Toelstedt adds.

6. Helpful Resources

It’s a good idea to create a close knit group of family or friends to lean on for support during the divorce process. Some useful online communities or support groups include the following:

• local mom Facebook pages can be helpful for support, but do not seek legal advice there.
• Our Family Wizard is helpful for co parent coordination, or hiring parent coordinators can be helpful to assist with co parenting issues during the divorce process and after. 
• Divorce coaches can help strengthen or improve communication between the parties.
• Financial providers or Savvy Ladies, an organization can empower women to take control of their finances.

If you are the type of person that wants to utilize self resources, then the book, “The New Rules of Divorce: Twelve Secrets to Protecting Your Wealth, Health and Happiness” is a great resource that talks about determining if you are ready to get a divorce, how to protect your finances and understand equitable division of assets, and how to heal and stay sane while going through the process.