Empty Nest Divorce

Most people dream of marrying the love of their life and having children together one day, and it finally happens magically. But then the unimaginable happens years later when spouses are now in their midlife stage, their children are grown and leaving home, and their marriage is dwindling. Why is that? Did they stay together for the children’s sake? Were they happily married but realized they felt differently once the children were gone? Did focusing their time and energy entirely on their children become the precursor for divorce? Although each couple has unique circumstances, we will explore some reasons behind empty nest syndrome and divorce and how to get through the process. 

What is Empty Nest Syndrome?

Empty Nest Syndrome is a feeling of loss, grief, and a significant life adjustment for parent’s when their children have grown and left home. Most can’t even fathom the thought while their children are young. But then it’s as if their children grew up and built this whole new life for themselves all in one night. And suddenly, spouses question what they will do with their lives now. 

Unfortunately, the correlation between an empty nest and divorce is increasing. And though essentially, most couples divorce for similar reasons: a breakdown in communication, financial issues, falling out of love, etc. The one significant factor is that an empty nest and divorce occur because the marriage changes after the children have left home.  

Loss of Social Life and Empty Nest Divorce

In addition to the empty nest couples experience when their children leave home, they also lose their social life with their children’s peers, parents, teachers, events, etc. These changes may leave a parent feeling lost and alone, mainly if their connections are centered around their children. Now, circumstances are entirely different.  

An empty nest can be more disheartening and lonesome for stay-at-home parents whose sole focus is their family. Their days may be wide open now, and they do not know what to do with their time. Suppose one spouse had been working throughout and always retained that sociability. In that case, the stay-at-home parent might wonder who they will have in their life and what the road ahead will look like for them. These questions of purpose can lead to feelings of inadequacy, sadness, emptiness, and loneliness, which may end in divorce.

Other contributing factors can include:

• Spending too much time together after retirement and the unexpected changes that can occur
• One spouse isn’t ready to retire, while the other is hoping for more time together 
• Physical or health issues that may cause stress, anxiety, or depression 
• Caring for aging parents while leaving little time together as a couple 
• One or both spouses experiencing a midlife crisis through infidelity 

How to Get Through Empty Nest and Divorce

Spouses may have dreamed of traveling together once their children were grown, doing things they never had a chance to do when their kids were younger, and being together without interruptions or added responsibilities. And then, these dreams come crashing down, and divorce is imminent, especially if this was a life one never visualized on their own. However, although it may take time to get through this difficult process, there are steps one can take to help lessen the pain. 

Some things to start with:

• Financial circumstances – It is essential to straighten out one’s finances, as divorce can leave couples with less money than before, especially if one earns much less than their former spouse.
• Developing new interests and social circles – Friends and activities might have centered around the couple’s marriage. Still, now might be the right time to form new interests and friendships, making it easier to move on. 
• Taking care of oneself physically – People are more apt to become physically unwell during significant life changes. However, this is when strength and taking care of oneself are even more necessary. Thus, proper sleep, balanced meals, and activity can boost your emotional and physical health. 
• Allowing oneself to grieve – Whether a person divorced a week or two years ago, they may still find themselves suffering. However, there is no set timeline for grief, and there will be good and bad days. Therefore, it doesn’t matter how many tears one sheds, as it’s about allowing the process of grief to work through these painful emotions.  
• Learning self-forgiveness – It’s hard not to look back sometimes and wonder what went wrong, how one might have contributed to the issues, or if things had been different. Still, no amount of going back or shaming oneself will do anyone good. Hence, the best thing anyone can do for themselves is to learn to let go of self-recrimination and forgive oneself.  
• Thinking about a new future – Starting a new life than one expected is never easy. However, planning for the road ahead is necessary, whether buying a new home, living in an apartment, remaining in the same town, or moving to another state. That may also include retirement planning, estate planning, or end-of-life planning. 
• Preparing for setbacks – Life is unpredictable and doesn’t always run smoothly, with its many ups and downs. However, mentally preparing oneself for the reality of uneventful or negative experiences can achieve a healthier outcome. 

Learning to Live Again

It is only natural for a person who has experienced both an empty nest and divorce simultaneously to feel like their world has ended and the pain will never go away. Their lives have changed drastically; therefore, healing and moving forward will take some time. However, coming out on the other side and living a new and fulfilling life can happen. In other words, there is always time to return to the world, make new friends, participate in novel activities, and plan for the future. And though it may seem unfathomable to start fresh, with the proper support, allowing time to grieve and heal, and a belief in oneself, it is doable.