Have you wondered why your teen’s behavior has changed since they started a relationship? Do you suspect something is off in the relationship but can’t place a finger on it? Your concerns may be valid, and you are not alone. Most parents only look for apparent signs of happiness or sadness when their teens get into romantic relationships.
The truth is, not all signals are black and white, especially when it’s related to abuse. Physical abuse, for instance, may be easy to spot, but emotional abuse isn’t. Instead, they are more subtle and less noticeable. Besides, most physically abusive relationships start as emotional abuse – controlling and harming the other person mentally and psychologically.
So, yes, emotional abuse is dangerous and even harder to spot. Sometimes, you must catch it in action to believe it’s happening.
Here are seven signs to help you recognize if your teenager or young adult is in an emotionally abusive relationship.
Avoiding Social Relationships
Teens and young adults typically want to spend time with their friends and grow their social circle. But there may be slight changes in this arrangement once they start a romantic relationship. Of course, they may pull away from friends at the beginning of a relationship, but most often, they won’t completely cut off those friendships.
So, if your teen stops hanging out with all their friends because of a new relationship, that may be a clue that something is wrong. Their partner may be forbidding them from seeing friends or making plans with other people. This is usually the first thing emotional abusers do – if no one sees or hears about it, no one will report it.
Making Unreasonable Demands
An emotionally abusive person often makes their partners do outrageous things through manipulation. Some of these demands may be obvious to you because you know your child won’t usually make them.
Consider a scenario where your child makes up rules: “Mom, don’t enter my room after 6 pm!” Or acts unreasonably, like yelling when the phone bill isn’t paid and they cannot talk to their partner.
If you can’t rationalize this behavior, your teen’s partner may be controlling their actions and causing them to make such demands.
Verbally Abusive
Someone in an emotionally abusive relationship may lash out desperately to feel better. Being emotionally abused takes a toll on self-confidence; therefore, it’s fairly common to transfer aggression or verbally abuse others – siblings in most cases.
If proper care is not taken after noticing such behavior, your teen may become an abuser too.
Sudden Behavioral Change
Emotionally abusive partners like to control the other person’s life and want to know all about it out of jealousy or a desire to possess them. They often mold their victims to their preferences, leading to sudden behavioral changes.
Usually, the behaviors are different and may either be obvious or less. Such behaviors may include crying easily, aggressiveness, dressing differently, shyness, mood swings, self-soothing acts, gaslighting, excessive complaints, and changes in routine.
Imagine your teen constantly checking in and reporting daily routines to their partner; THAT is a red flag and points to emotional abuse.
Low Self-esteem
An abusive person may continuously undermine and demean their partner. This will strip them of their self-esteem, leaving them inadequate, unsure, and insecure. Imagine someone who was usually confident and active and then suddenly becoming a people pleaser with a poor self-image and high self-doubt.
A closer look at the reasons behind this change may reveal a picture of emotional manipulation and degradation that leaves them a shadow of their previous self. If care is not taken, it may lead to depression and other mood disorders.
Overly Compliant When With Their Partner
How individualistic and strong-minded was your teen before the relationship? Were they the type that usually stands up for themselves but suddenly stops doing that?
In most abusive relationships, the abuser usually removes any individuality in the victim. Think about it like this: you ask your child questions in the presence of their partner. Take notice if their partner starts answering on their behalf. Also, watch out for your child’s reaction; do they butt in or they don’t object; they just agree with everything their partner says.
If you notice that your teen is overly compliant, then emotional abuse may be in play. In such cases, they’ve been conditioned to “behave” in a way approved only by the abuser.
Jumpiness and Unexplained Injuries
Is your teen getting startled unnecessarily–without cause or alarm? If your answer is yes, then they may be experiencing emotional abuse. People get jumpy when lost in thought, frightened, guilty, or anxious. If you are sure the cause is not from home, chances are it’s from the relationship.
Additionally, not only physical abuse has unexplained injuries; they can occur in emotional abuse as well. While your teen’s partner may not hit them, they may give them other injuries. For instance, an abuser may squeeze the victim’s hands in an argument. Such injuries are often less visible, and a victim may see them as nothing, but it’s a sure sign of emotional abuse.
Conclusion
Spotting signs of emotional abuse in teens and young adults may be challenging because they are often secretive. They are new to romantic relationships and may not understand emotional abuse. But, you, as a more experienced person, may be able to spot it and help them avoid unnecessary relationship trauma. Emotional abuse damages mental health; help your child by checking for these signs and addressing them.
Remember, victims of abuse tend to protect their abusers – albeit unintentionally. Emotional abuse rewires the victim’s brain making them see the abuser as the only one who understands them. It is up to you, as a parent or guardian, to help them get out of such an unhealthy relationship. Ensure to be persistent and kind when addressing these issues. All your teen needs at this point are guidance and support.
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