Did you know that when you hit menopause, you have quite a few things in common with disabled women? Yes, menopause is not a disability. However, to a certain extent, the challenges and discrimination you face during menopause are comparable to what women with disabilities deal with their entire lives. As a disabled woman with a couple of disabled friends, here is what women with disabilities want you to know.
1. Not all struggles are visible.
As a person with chronic depression, believe me when I say that some disabilities are invisible. When one says disability, the first thing that often comes to mind is a wheelchair. However, not everyone who struggles with mobility needs to use a wheelchair. Disabilities are not only physical, but they are also mental. No two disabilities are the same, and even people with the same disability have different problems.
In the case of menopause, your physical appearance may not indicate the immense hormonal changes in your body. Even if nobody can see the impact of reduced estrogen in your body—for example, not every woman gets hot flashes during menopause—you will still face the consequences of low estrogen levels. Also, the hormonal changes in your body will affect your mental and physical health. Lastly, menopause affects every woman differently; no two menopausal women undergo identical changes.
2. People will discriminate against you, especially at work.
Even in 2023, we live in a world built for able and young people. Whether it’s at work or in social settings, disabled folks are usually othered and excluded. Discrimination can be overt and covert. For example, one of my friends was passed over for a promotion because she has a child with severe autism. Her coworker, the mother of a “normal” newborn, was promoted instead – even though my friend is the best employee in her team.
Similarly, you will be treated differently due to menopause. Since it typically occurs during middle age, you will be subject to ageism, stigma, and stereotypes. Due to bias, people will deem you unfit for work, and you will get little to no opportunities for advancement. None of this is fair, and you must speak up against it as much as possible. You will often have to be your own advocate.
3. Ultimately, how you see yourself matters.
People will never fall short of biased opinions about you and your capabilities. They may look at you as a burden or a liability. The worst part is that they will pity you, and you will know it when they do. Disabled people typically encounter this in the form of ableism. Since we experience ableism regularly, we end up internalizing it. As the term suggests, “Internalized ableism occurs when we are so heavily influenced by the stereotypes, misconceptions, and discrimination against people with disabilities that we start to believe our disabilities make us inferior (Presutti, 2021).” As a result, we undergo self-pity, self-loathing, and low self-esteem. I needed the help of therapy to let go of my internalized ableism, and doing so made life significantly easier.
As menopause and aging go hand in hand, a large chunk of society will be ageist towards you. And as I explained above, regular exposure to any form of external discrimination turns it inward. Therefore, you need to protect yourself from internalized ageism. So what if you have new health problems to handle? So what if you are getting older? You have nothing to apologize for or be ashamed of. You are inherently worthy, no matter what. Nobody has the power to define your self-worth. What matters is the way you perceive yourself.
Conclusion
Neither disability nor menopause spells the end of your life. You can still live well if you believe in yourself, make apt lifestyle changes, and build a solid support system.
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