You take a deep breath out, and suddenly you realize you don’t hear a thing. There’s no more peddling of small footsteps or no one following your every move. They no longer need you to comb their hair, and the sugary cereals they munched on before catching the bus to school are no longer in the cabinet. You are an empty nester. Many Black mothers sink at the moment and casually recall the days when their whole schedule wrapped around their children, and although we can all reminisce on those precious days, it’s important to realize that as a Black mother, this accomplishment is incredibly special. You’ve spent most of your life caring not only for your own children but the community as well. As a Black mother, raising a family has presented systematic barriers that women have had to navigate for far too long. So, when the time comes that your children are self-sufficient and are succeeding in this world, it can be bittersweet
While you can remember the times you’ve begged for this day to come, you start to see where this part of life could take you. You have the clock back in your corner, and it’s time to celebrate the start of an incredible chapter that takes on a new meaning to the phrase empty nester. But the question most women have in this new journey is, what’s next?
Leaning on Sisterhood
The experience of sisterhood is sacred in the Black community, and no matter what chapter you’re embarking on in life, there is always a space for sisterhood. From the time you were in college to the years of early motherhood, menopause, and now as an empty nester, these are the milestone moments to lean on your sisters. There’s no one that has understood your position as a Black mother better than those who have experienced it for themselves. These are friendships filled with comfort and support. Although Black women are often seen as superhuman and impervious to pain, the sisterhood we create for one another is unmatched. It has offered us a sense of relief in so many moments to feel that someone else knows your story. Walking through this world together, you can feel confident embarking on this new journey, knowing you have a group of women to lean on.
During times of loneliness or uncertainty of what comes next, these friendships help to push the boundaries that society yet again attempts to plague us with. Together, Black mothers create an influence to be admired, and only by living in this decadent skin of brown hues will someone be able to comprehend the power it truly holds.
Pour into Your Queendom
With all of the memories you have of pouring yourself into your children, it’s time to pour back into yourself and let that cup runneth over. Use this time to find joy on your terms and be unapologetic in how you embrace these new interests. Although you may want to continue considering your family in big decisions, this is the time to consider yourself first. Rediscover everything you may have set aside because it just couldn’t fit into your schedule. Breathe into this freedom and flexibility that you haven’t had in so many years, or even at all. Get to know yourself again as a Black woman and go after what you please. Perhaps there’s a skill you’ve always wanted to learn. You can become a student again. You may have an opportunity to travel to places you’ve never seen before, book the flight.
Pat Yourself on the Back
What’s incredible about this new life in front of you is knowing that you have accomplished such a big task and can finally celebrate such a significant accomplishment. With so many targets on our black and brown babies, we have conquered our biggest fear and have raised them into adulthood. Women of other races don’t realize the depth of how fortunate it is to be able to have an empty nest as a Black mother. With everything pinned against us, from social discrimination, educational assumptions, and so much more, this moment is viewed in such a different light. It’s an award after decades of hard work and putting yourself last in many instances. But now is the time to shift the priority and take a step forward in how you want to live your life. Make it your new mission to not only find your passion but pursue it with drive and confidence, no matter what it may be. While it can be scary to think that much has passed since you’ve treaded new waters, that’s the beauty in it all. You have earned the opportunity to take it all in and use every great experience and learning lesson to cultivate your world exactly how you imagine it.
Whether it is taking on a new hobby, business, project, or anything you imagine, life as an empty nester is your moment to thrive and love yourself on a new level. How you want to spend this next chapter should make you incredibly happy and proud as a Black woman. It’s a chance for growth, experience, adventure, and a reason to take full advantage of all life has to offer. Best of all, your children will still be by your side whenever you need that extra boost of unconditional love. For not only yourself but the legacy of other Black mothers, it’s time to put yourself first.
Amber Meadows is a freelance copywriter who specializes in wellness, Black culture, and storytelling for small business owners.
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