We’ve all heard of changes that are common before, during, and after menopause. Our hormones shift, and our estrogen drops. Irritability, vaginal dryness, and breast tenderness can all contribute to an already decreasing sex drive. Not to mention the changes in our bodies, which may have us feeling less than sexy! So how do we tap into our most erotic selves during this period in our lives? Sure, some hormonal therapy might help (consult your doctor before starting any new treatments). But there are other titillating options to explore. Below are five ways to help bring your sexy back.
Get comfortable in your skin (literally).
With so many amazing products to choose from, it’s easier than ever to find a luxurious but affordable skincare regimen. Not only can this help our skin’s health as we age; it can also help us feel (and look) vibrant and glowing. Try a vitamin C serum to brighten your skin, and a face oil to banish blemishes, reduce wrinkles, and hydrate beyond a simple cream. Take a long, hot shower or bath with your favorite scented products, and finish with body oil or perfume. Exfoliate and then shave with a high-quality razor and cream. Try some aromatherapy massage oils with your partner, taking the time for relaxation and touch. Connecting with yourself (and your partner) in these ways may help increase your desire for sex, but they can also be relaxing and enjoyable all on their own.
Wear what makes you feel good!
Many of us know the sweet relief of taking off our bras as soon as we walk in the door, so sexy lingerie may be the furthest thing from your mind. And there’s no shame in loungewear or athleisure; they’re both trending for a reason. If a comfy pair of sweats or a soft robe and slippers make you feel amazing, go for it! On the other hand, you might feel your best when you’re all decked out in your favorite sexy outfit, with hair and makeup on point. If you feel stuck, take yourself shopping and try on some new things. Hit up your favorite makeup store and explore some new products. Do some research and try a new hairstyle or color. Whatever works, work it. The more you feel authentically you in what you’re wearing and how you’re showing up for yourself, the more you’ll be able to tap into your sexual side. (And if you want to revisit that sexy lingerie after all, remember that you don’t have to keep it on long!)
Do things you enjoy.
According to psychotherapist and relationship expert Esther Perel, “Eroticism in the home requires active engagement and willful intent. It is an ongoing resistance to the message that marriage is serious, more work than play; and that passion is for teenagers and the immature.” Domesticity can get in the way of the erotic. Unless folding laundry all weekend turns you on, it’s essential for your well-being (on so many levels) to follow your interests and passions. Maybe you love to spend time outdoors, which we know can do wonders for our minds and our bodies. Relieving stress through a strength-training session, an adult coloring book, or a cooking class can help get you in touch with yourself outside of the seemingly endless everyday tasks you need to complete. Simply getting out of the house, enjoying a latte with a friend at a favorite coffee spot or a relaxing stroll around a bookshop can serve as a reminder of who we are aside from our roles as parents and/or one half of a relationship. And anything from a quick date night to a longer getaway with your partner is essential in reconnecting as a couple. Whether you met 30 years ago or last month, little escapes from home life can serve as a reminder of what attracted you to each other in the first place. Don’t be afraid to explore new hobbies and interests; enjoying life by learning and growing is an essential part of being (and connecting with) our true selves.
Get your hands on some erotic literature.
If curling up with a good book sounds like the perfect pastime, there’s a lot of quality erotica out there to explore. Authors Anaïs Nin and Anne Rice mix masterful storytelling with transfixing erotic elements that will help get you in a more sexual frame of mind. They can help ignite your fantasies, and may even give you some specific ideas to explore. You can also try a (trashy or non-trashy) romance novel! Robin Carr (Virgin River) writes more modern swoon-worthy stories, while Tessa Dare writes more traditional bodice-rippers. Beverly Jenkins’ historical romance novels largely center around African American couples. There’s no shortage of older and more modern erotica, for every sexual taste, both in book form and online. And if you are into (or want to explore) pornography, there are several woman-made and woman-centered sites to check out.
Play with Toys!
With online shopping, it’s easier (and more discreet) than ever to try some sex toys. If you’ve never explored this avenue, you might be a bit intimidated… but don’t be! While the selection may seem overwhelming, there are more and more sites catering specifically to women. You can search by need, activity, body part, etc. Don’t be afraid to use your imagination. You can also find your favorite lubricant, as well as a toy to try alone or with a partner. Sex should be fun, and adding some playfulness can only contribute to lightening the mood and exploring new (and old) fantasies.
There is nothing sexier than being yourself, whatever that looks like on any given day. And you are still you, no matter what changes your body may be experiencing. Try new things, explore your fantasies, and enjoy being your most authentic, sexy self.
Leave a Reply